I Am Single

“May boyfriend ka ba?” “Ba’t di ka pa nagkakaboyfriend?” “Baka naman babae ang type mo.” And some other weird questions that comes with not having a romantic relationship with someone.

People get surprised when I tell them that I’ve never had a boyfriend or just any romantic relationship. It’s not because of my sexuality. It’s because —
And even it’s because of my sexual preference, no one has any right to judge me. But to be honest, I don’t consider myself of any sexuality. I am just me. I don’t want to put myself into a box that has a label on it. (Label is just fine if I choose my label, not other people. But for this one, I’d rather not label myself) I’d love to just love (as long as they have good taste in music jk). Love doesn’t have to be labeled. I’m open to be in a relationship with anyone.
But the problem is, I’m not good at showing…affection (is that even the right word to use?).

There is this guy that I am chatting with on Facebook. He is a nice guy. We’ve been communicating online for months now. And today, he called me up and the first thing I said was “Oh tapos? Ano na?”. I was super awkward. I didn’t have anything on my mind to talk about. Plus the background noise was so loud we couldn’t understand each other. 4 minutes later, he hung up. Ang uncomfortable di ba?
This is not the first time that something like this happened. There were several people that actually tried to deal with my peculiarity. One of the most unforgettable was when, I think, this was in college, an unsaved number called up and I answered it. It was a guy at school and it was very unusual that this guy would call me up, ask me what I am doing during that night. For me, it was a fight-or-flight situation. So I handed my phone to my brother and he put it beside the TV. The guy didn’t have a choice but listen to news report of Mike Enriquez.

Nakakatawa pero sobrang weird lang talaga. Kakaiba lang talaga and sometimes I think people are just pretending/Maybe making fun of me/ Thinking I am a joke. Like they are trying to make me fall into a trap. I obviously have a trust issue but isn’t it a good thing? I mean it’s not easy to think that this new person won’t make me feel less of myself (I’m aware my statement in the second paragraph contradicts this part but-). This thinking could keep me away from a possible heartache – emotional and mental breakdown. So yeah, that’s why I am single.


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