Material Stuff

She refused to give.
He thought she was selfish.
She thought everything was fine.
He thought she was a crazy ass bitch.
And the rage ran through their veins.
Words were all over the place.
He’d say “She’s full of her pride.”
The other one would say
“He’s a piece of shit who tells lies.”

One was yelling.
Anger had consumed him.
One’s throwing things.
Breaking them.

Both wanted to be listened to.
But neither wanted to stop the screaming and fighting.
And other nonsense things that comes with that worthless fight.
Their emotions ate their minds.
It’s almost an endless night.

And then she turned her back and  walked off.
He was in tears, standing alone.
Looked like no winner after all.

113

It was funnier last year.
Or maybe the year before that.
You were happier last week
than this week.
I can sense the hatred
from the laughs
of the crowd.
And I can tell
she’s not around.

This is not you.
That smile is a fake.
Don’t worry, my friend.
She’ll be fine out there.
And we’ll come back.
We’ll be cracking up
at your jokes again.

This is just a temporary down time
of an all time funny man.
Life isn’t in a cage.
You will stand up
and fight for it.
And I’ll see you once again
on a stage.
Funnier than before.
Funnier than ever.

Sleepless Night Thoughts 2

Told you I was going to write another no sleep-thoughts entry. This post-rest day insomnia is getting worse and to add the suffering, I have clogged nose.  I need to see a doctor but I don’t want to be absent for my shift so I would just ignore the pain and do the shit right. And will probably see specialist after.

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I just dyed my hair today. Technically, it was my mom who dyed my hair. The photo I posted on Instagram didn’t actually justify how vibrant the color of my hair was (on the day that I dyed it). It kinda failed but it was really pretty.  Anyway, I’d probably post something about that here on my blog.

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There’s a movie that has been bugging me lately. I saw a friend’s post on Facebook saying how horrified he was about ‘A Serbian Film’. And that simple post allowed my brain to relive the sleeping memory of that film (I have watched it about 2 or 3 years ago) of how gore it was, how inhumane the plot was, and the possibility that those horrible things were happening in real life. I’ve seen other disturbing twisted sick films like August Underground and Martyrs.  But this one was the most inhumane film I’ve ever seen in my entire life. My stomach is turning, just the think of it. But now that I typed down those other sick films, I feel like I’m not gonna sleep for days. Fuck, I can see the pictures in my head.

Sleepless Night Thoughts

I’ve been trying to find perfect position to get a goodnight sleep. I swear, I did all the things I could do to get some sleep – I changed pillow, tried to sleep with and without blanket, with and without white noise, and even I’m a light off sleeper, I did try to sleep with light on but no, I didn’t fall asleep either way.
My body has been shitty like this since last week. Headache is my number one enemy right now. It mostly happens to me the night before my shift –the one after my two day rest; just like tonight. I woke up this morning at around 5am and since then, I haven’t fall asleep and worst is, I have 2 am shift which is, by the way, 3 hours from now. Yes, this is quite difficult especially when I’m at the office.  I have to do tasks and push myself to function.
So yeah, I thought I maybe could write about this and just anything that I randomly think at night ‘cause I’m not sleeping anyway.  And if this gets worse and/or continues, I might do this insomniac writing regularly. Haha..

——-

I’ve always had this thinking that my life span would only be until my 30th birthday. I wouldn’t live longer than that. I honestly don’t see myself dying in my 40’s; neither in a wheelchair. I don’t think I would last that long. There is also a possibility that I’d die before I turn 30. One more thing, I am not capable of taking care of anyone else. So if I would die, it’s better to have no one in my life.
But there are things I still want to accomplish before I become 30, before my death.
I want to do crazy stuff. I want to bungee jump maybe skydive, too.
I want to do nice things. Compliment random people. Get a funny tattoo I would show to people that I know they would laugh and never forget about. I want to dance in the street. Sing maybe, if I could, growl loudly. Kiss someone in public. Donate some personal stuff. I want to live in the mountains. Live by the ocean. Sip a very warm cup of tea in winter. Watch leaves fall on the ground in spring. I want to go all night clubbing. I don’t drink alcohol but I want to experience being drunk. Wear high heels all day and hate myself the next day. I want to feel alive. I want love. I want to experience to love and be loved fully. I want to travel. I want to see the world. I want to go abroad, maybe just by myself. I would like to meet the people I admire, the musicians who inspire me. I want to see them perform live and hug them tightly and tell them how important they are to me. I want to meet new people. I want to hear their stories. I would love to experience the things they normally do that are unusual for me. I want to be able to tell my story and be listened to.Speak about my right and stand for it until I die.
And other things I want to do but couldn’t remember right now.
If I am ever able to do all these, I’d feel more than satisfied, I’d die happy.
ahahaha.. parang andali lang gawin lahat ng ito.

05.11.16

Hello, everybody! It’s the fifth of the year already. At tapos na ang National Election. So how are you, guys? Did your bets win?  I’m hoping all the elected government people will do their jobs for the benefit of all their kababayans. We want the best for our country. Pero sa totoo lang, I miss the cute animals and music updates on my  newsfeed. And to my facebook friends who had became political analysts these past few days, please guys, get over it. Ganun talaga e. We’ve done our part and let just start to happily help our new government. Let’s move forward.

Sooo.. (me: tries to change topic awkwardly).. I jut got a hedgehog yesterday. I named him, Astor and  he’s only two months old.

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He’s cute and little and prickly  but I don’t know how to take care of him especially at this young age. I have no place for him to stay right now so I’m currently keeping him in a show box. I don’t know what to feed him, I couldn’t find cat food that’s not fish base. There’s cat cookies I know I can buy but they’re too big for him. I’m not sure if that is okay for him to eat at this young. I basically know nothing about hedgehog. Send HELP. jk. If you guys know something about this cutie, please let me know. Anything about hedgies would be a big help. Thanks in advance.

That’s it for now. I know and I am sorry for being such a crappy blogger. But hey I have this tiny buddy and most bloggers don’t. haha Peacekies.

We’re late for Algebra

I see you running towards where I am standing.
I hear you say I’m sorry from afar.
“This is what? 4th time in a row this week?!”
You slow down as you start to jog then stop right in front of me.
“I’m sorry, okay?”
“Alright…Happy birthday.” I smile as I hand to you a paper bag.
You accept it and pull out the dress. It’s the silky tiny half-eaten-red-apples-patterned yellow-green circle dress we saw at a thrift shop six days ago.
“Oh no, you did not.” smiling.
“I did.”
“You really are my best friend and thank you but you know I can’t wear this.”
“You’re welcome. But please keep it. I know you want it.”
“Of course, I do. But my mom will kill me if she finds out about..me.”
“Okay, I’m hearing you. A dead gay friend is the last thing I want.” putting the dress back in the bag.