Sleepless Night Thoughts

I’ve been trying to find perfect position to get a goodnight sleep. I swear, I did all the things I could do to get some sleep – I changed pillow, tried to sleep with and without blanket, with and without white noise, and even I’m a light off sleeper, I did try to sleep with light on but no, I didn’t fall asleep either way.
My body has been shitty like this since last week. Headache is my number one enemy right now. It mostly happens to me the night before my shift –the one after my two day rest; just like tonight. I woke up this morning at around 5am and since then, I haven’t fall asleep and worst is, I have 2 am shift which is, by the way, 3 hours from now. Yes, this is quite difficult especially when I’m at the office.  I have to do tasks and push myself to function.
So yeah, I thought I maybe could write about this and just anything that I randomly think at night ‘cause I’m not sleeping anyway.  And if this gets worse and/or continues, I might do this insomniac writing regularly. Haha..


I’ve always had this thinking that my life span would only be until my 30th birthday. I wouldn’t live longer than that. I honestly don’t see myself dying in my 40’s; neither in a wheelchair. I don’t think I would last that long. There is also a possibility that I’d die before I turn 30. One more thing, I am not capable of taking care of anyone else. So if I would die, it’s better to have no one in my life.
But there are things I still want to accomplish before I become 30, before my death.
I want to do crazy stuff. I want to bungee jump maybe skydive, too.
I want to do nice things. Compliment random people. Get a funny tattoo I would show to people that I know they would laugh and never forget about. I want to dance in the street. Sing maybe, if I could, growl loudly. Kiss someone in public. Donate some personal stuff. I want to live in the mountains. Live by the ocean. Sip a very warm cup of tea in winter. Watch leaves fall on the ground in spring. I want to go all night clubbing. I don’t drink alcohol but I want to experience being drunk. Wear high heels all day and hate myself the next day. I want to feel alive. I want love. I want to experience to love and be loved fully. I want to travel. I want to see the world. I want to go abroad, maybe just by myself. I would like to meet the people I admire, the musicians who inspire me. I want to see them perform live and hug them tightly and tell them how important they are to me. I want to meet new people. I want to hear their stories. I would love to experience the things they normally do that are unusual for me. I want to be able to tell my story and be listened to.Speak about my right and stand for it until I die.
And other things I want to do but couldn’t remember right now.
If I am ever able to do all these, I’d feel more than satisfied, I’d die happy.
ahahaha.. parang andali lang gawin lahat ng ito.


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