Stuck in my head

How is it going, everyone? Good?

I know. I know I’m a little sluggish writer. I stopped writing for a while. Well, not that I decided to just stop. Just not feeling it. I hardly wrote poems and stories. I felt uninspired and lost. I would write phrases that don’t make sense. But I bet you already know that since most of my works don’t make sense. The difference is the things I wrote about these past few weeks don’t help me and felt force unlike the old ones.

But here I am again, writing.. this. I almost forgot I have a blog I have promise myself to dedicate my writings to. That’s why I am writing this, just so I won’t feel bad to see that the last thing I posted here was a month ago and it’s not even my work. I loved the artist who made that one though.

I’m in my head again. I’m pulling every words out of my mind to hopefully make myself feel better. No, I don’t feel sad and alone. I’m not in any kind of trouble. I am fairly fine. No devastating thing happened. Nothing happened. Nothing. I’m just stuck.

Not that I want something bad to happen, a good one is what I prefer, I just don’t want to be stuck. I see the days passing. I see people growing. I see the world moving around them. And I am just stuck. In my room. In my head.

I am happy though. I am happy for them.

A week ago, I have promised a friend to meet and help him out. And today was the day I supposed to meet him but I decided not to go. I said yes to him a week ago, not just because I’ll be hanging out with him and we’ll catch up and all but also because, at least, I have something to do. And for the last minute, I made up an excuse which I was glad he was okay with. I was glad that an hour after I sent him the message I can’t go, I watched the entire season of a show.

I am such a stupid friend.

And I’m guilty. I’m afraid of stepping out of my comfort. I even let others down.

I choose to be stuck and I don’t like it to be this way. I try to reach out to people, try available opportunities. And yet I always find myself in the same damn place. Stuck. Inside these self-built usual zone.

I want to do this and that. I will say all things I want to do and accomplish and that’s all I could do. No adventures. No amazing people to meet.

I only imagine them like what if.

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