05.19.17

Dear 🙂

Today, I’ve accidentally confirmed your sexuality.

I’ve always thought maybe you’re not homosexual. Yet I witnessed you grew to be more the opposite of your gender. You played with kids opposite of your gender. You love things they do. You’re soft and hard at the same time. You’re a snob that also likes drama.
I shrugged it off. Reminded myself “Nope. Impossible”.

And then today happened.

Although, I am still surprised of what I just discovered. I’m happy that you know who you are. You know exactly what you like, not like me who still questions everything about myself including my sexuality. And it is fine if you’re not yet comfortable to come out. You know you will be questioned. Like “Why?” “How?” It’s going to be a big deal, people will make it a big deal. But I want you to know I’m here. You can always talk to me. You can count on me just what I am supposed to.

You are you. Being gay is okay.

05.08.17

I didn’t go to work today. I still have flu and it’s getting worse. So while I am enjoying a glass of very sour calamansi juice and happy sounding depressing songs, I thought maybe I should share some of my thoughts.

As an adult, I believe that it is a need to have a wide range understanding of today’s youth. There’s times I am the annoying adult that compares their younger years to the life of the younger generation and say mine was better, and then regrets it. I don’t want to be the adults I hated back when I was younger.
You don’t tell kids or just anyone, your life was better. And this is why it is important to learn that life is not a competition. How about we take a step back and just check what they’re doing and guide them.

I have a teenage brother who constantly discovering things in life. And because I want to be the adult I wish I had, I do my best to listen to his stories and ideas. I enjoy seeing him express his enthusiasm with these new amazing things, the happiness fills his eyes for having to know somebody is there for him. I mean I don’t know if that is what he exactly feels, cause that’s how I always feel whenever somebody takes time to listen to me, but whatever. His moment shines. And me as a listener, I’m so pleased to be there. First of all, he’s my brother. And second of all, I don’t want him to feel he has nobody to talk to.

I have only come with this realization when I had a very odd moment with my then 7 year old nephew. I was babysitting him and his sister. They both wanted to tell me things they enjoy about, they’re competing to get my attention. And since his sister was 2 years younger than him, most of my focus was on the little one. Of course, he wouldn’t understand that and it’s quite unfair that I have interrupted him several times until he finally said “that’s okay. you’re not interested anyway” (sad face on). And that was one of WTF moments for me. I was screwed, I thought to myself, and shoot I finally became the people I hate. I, then, apologized to him and admitted that I didn’t have interest but would love to hear him say things he loved.I worked on with my patience with them. They also learned to know when to talk and that cutting people off is not a good manner.

I am still in the process of figuring out the world and its meaning but I try to be a good example to my younger loved ones. I want them to feel safe and comfortable when they share stories with me. And if I have a chance, instill them ideas that would make them compassionate individuals. Oh and just another little story, a couple of days ago, that same nephew asked me what racism was. He likes to research on his own but this time, he asked for my opinion. That hit the 1.feeling safe to share/ask and 2. having a chance to enlighten him to such topics like racism. I’m so happy to be his Ate.

Dealing with kids is very tough but I believe we need to learn that our attitudes will reflect on them. They see us, copy us. So we have to be careful how we talk and treat them. And adults tend to demand for and expect respect from the youth. Well, we have to respect them too. Take the opportunity to guide them with our actions .
My point is we shouldn’t be bullies to the youth. Shutting them down and bluntly saying things like our younger lives were better than theirs are very immature. Why don’t we start treating everyone the way we want to be treated. Each individual’s opinion is important. We all have to know when to listen and when to talk. BE KIND AND UNDERSTANDING.

PS. I know I sounded very manang but I swear, bata pa po ako.

Sleepless Night Thoughts 9

Hello, hello. Good evening.
I have cold and a very bad sore throat. And I cannot sleep again.
So here comes another random thought writing by yours truly.

Have you ever had a dream about end of the world?
And since I’m having trouble sleeping, let me share you a weird dream I had a night ago.(I will share every little thing I remember)

This is quite nonsense but if you have a lot of time (like I did when I was writing this), please read. You might find it interesting, or not.
Continue reading “Sleepless Night Thoughts 9”