06.27.17

Just 3 more days before June ends. We’re halfway through the 2017 and I am so ready for new memes to come (I swear, I enjoyed every single meme this year).

You may wonder why me, this poor blogger, hardly post anything.
Well, guess what? shit happens. It hit me hard.

Lost my will to go to gym and to eat healthy. No exercise and bad diet for straight 10 days. And yes,  I hate my life. I feel like If I lose weight then eventually look better, people will treat me like an object more than ever. I might lose the few but good characteristics I have and will only get treated less as a person. I know I shouldn’t think this way but I can’t help it.

My head is a crappy place. I am constantly in what I call “void”. As much as I would love to get better, these thoughts are creeping inside my mind like leeches. They stay and suck all my energy and I will end up getting called “lazy”. And it’s not fun to be “lazy”. I’m staying in my room all day, scrolling thru facebook feed like crazy, not taking showers, eating a lot, thinking about everything – complete worthless. I know there’s something wrong with me as I always feel less or nothing. I was considering to get professional help but I didn’t have enough money to get the assistance I may need.

2017 is, so far, amazing but difficult year for me. Well, it’s only half year done, there’s half year to go. And I wish nothing but best for everyone. Best moments, best people to be with, best experience in life.

 

PS. I promise to write better blog entries.
PSS. I never wanted to be negative, quite annoying and somehow attention seeking person in the internet but yeah, I feel like I am, now.

 

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Not even almost

We lost it“, she’s convincing herself.

You’re not the person I wished to have.
You’re my complete opposite.
You never understood me.

You didn’t get me when I said
“Don’t call me now ’cause I have work tomorrow”.

It meant “Let’s just send each other texts
because I’m not comfortable talking on the phone”.
And the other times we just didn’t connect.

Then I finally told you “I can’t have feelings for you” but I eventually did.

I don’t blame you for it was not your fault.
I was the one who made us insignificant.

I won’t say I want you.
I can’t say that I miss you.
Because what we had was not ideal.
It wasn’t ideal to me.

Yet I constantly catch myself thinking about you.

But I already put the period on our sentence.

And we’ve reached our end.

And then she said, “No. I lost him.